Hello, Darkness
by celiamieraken
Summary: An event that happened in my life yesterday. Bleach style. Extreme extreme OOC. Extreme angsty. So why did Toushiro just dump Karin Kurosaki, the one he's ever really loved?
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hey guys….this story…..is about something that just happened a yesterday. Specifically 3:50:10pm today on October 21, 2010. I got dumped by my bf….and I'm gonna make a HitsuKarin fic about what happened and how my life is….this is a true story based on my life exactly….just Bleach style…..here it goes….oh and my new pen name is knifestabkillblood102110. This is still the author who wrote "Broken Into Pieces". I love yall. Its OOC and sickly sweet so if yall don't like sickly sweet stories, feel free to stop right here.

* * *

~Karin's POV 6:00:30pm central. October 20, 2010~

I know something is gonna happen tomorrow. I just told Toushiro everything. My suicide plan, my depression, the scratches…..basically everything. And this is how it went on the phone:

_"Hey, Shiro….there's something I should tell you…..well really Yuzu is making me or else she's gonna go get the couselor at school and the English and Health teachers… So I'll start off with this…._

_Last weekend, I was planning to kill my self. I already planned that we're gonna be at a hotel and I was gonna swim and drown myself. I had a really stressful week which is why I didn't talk to you like at all."_

_"Okay…and…."_

_"I didn't because my parents thought it was too cold to swim outside. I was walking through the trees that day and it felt really good outside so I spread my arms out and it hit a few tree branches and therefore were scratches on my arms. Cindy and Alice wouldn't listen. They thought I was cutting myself. I'm not that emo."_

_"And….."_

_"I didn't wanna tell you because I didn't want you to worry at all. I'm not all important and you should worry about your family more than me."_

_"…"_

_"Look….I am so fucking sorry for putting you through hell, for making you feel like shit and…will you forgive me?"_

_"Well… if I forgive you, you won't learn."_

_"You wouldn't forgive me in a million or infinity years…_

_I should go now. I'm really sorry. I love you."_

_"Love you too."_

_Click._

We usually email as a way of contact. So I sent him a reply to a previous one. And he never replied. I knew something was off. And so I called out to the Lord and just started talking to him. Or at least I hope I was. And I cried. Like full, blown-out crying. I cried for an hour. I haven't cried like that in a year! I'm going to bed now.

* * *

~The next day after school~

Still no reply from him. So this morning, I gave myself the prep talk. I know he's gonna dump me. I know he's gonna break my heart. But I understand. The whole time, he didn't glance at me, didn't speak a word. I felt it coming. And then it came. 3:50:10pm. He came over to me and said,

"_Look, I really don't think this is gonna work out-"_

_"I know."_

_"So I think it's better if we just be friends."_

_"I know," _I whispered.

And he walked off in a hurry. I stopped at my locker, feeling it break, feeling the tears overflow, and I'm muttering to myself,

_"Stop crying you baka, you promised yourself you wouldn't cry. You knew it was coming, what were you thinking?"_

I walked to go get Cindy and Sarah was already at Cindy's locker. And I opened the door. There he was, pretending nothing happened. But I thought,

_'If he's happy, then I will be too because I love him.'_

Cindy saw the tears in my eyes and asked what happened. I mouthed it and she gasped and told Sarah who was sitting next to her. She also gasped. So now, Thursdays are solemn days. The number 5 is unlucky now. And being the person I am, I will go cliff diving one day. Random, but sure. Anybdoy's free to join me.

And at 10:00:00pm, I let everything spill. I cried for two straight hours, leaving behind the pieces.

And peoples, there are no such things as friends. In reality, we're just one big family. Cindy is my closest sister and John is my soul brother. Sarah is another sister and well, Toushiro…..is just a long-lost brother. The completely stupid thing is that he said,

_"We should just be friends."_

Friends. You don't usually find the ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend be friends, do you? Not only that, but it would never work out. Everything would be awkward. Everything would be gone, sad, dark, alone…..

My choice is decided. If he ever wants me back, I will say no, because, he will hurt me again and again and each break will hurt until I can't handle it. Toushiro will be reading this soon. And he deserves to know the truth. But he is no longer Toushiro. He's Hitsugaya now. And always will be.

Welcome to my world of darkness. Welcome to the world with no light and no happiness. It's impossible to feel all this isn't it? Well guess what, it's not. Don't do what I did. Live happily.

Learn from this lesson.

* * *

~October 22, 2010 at 10:58:44 am~

There's no cliff here. The pain is too great to bear. I hope someone will end my existence. This is the greatest pain yet.

Hello, darkness. I now belong in your personal hell-hole.

Sayonara.

I wish.

The funny thing is, I had a dream about our break up on the 20th, the day before the break up. Strange, huh?

I'm Karin Kurosaki. Ex-girlfriend of Toushiro Hitsugaya. Joined darkness's hell-hole. I'm so messed up.

* * *

AN: I hope all of you learn from this. And please…find someone who won't hurt you. I want you guys to be happy and I don't even know 1/20 of you guys who read this. I need at least 20 people to vote for the happy ending for "Broken Into Pieces" (well it doesn't have to be all Yes it can be voted no). This is something you guys should know. I love HitsuKarin but this is the one story that will have them broken. I'm sorry.

PS. I'll still be alive. chill.

Knifestabkillblood102110


	2. More to Say and Confess

AN: So I lied. This story is NOT over and this story will explain why. Yes I'm still in SERIOUS depression and my friend suggested meditating with candles which made me think of fire. Yes, fire. But this is how I feel today and the past few days. I'm letting you readers know the pain of being too attached to someone. Please don't feel the same. Ok on with the story. Remember OOC extreme angst and Karin's POV Bleach style.

* * *

~Karin's POV October 26, 2010, 4:51:30 pm~

Okay. I totally lied.

I SO wanna get back with him. And I realize I'm kind of a hypocrite. In sixth grade, I broke up with him because my parents didn't know and (Masaki is still alive) I wasn't really supposed to date until college. I was addicted to texting back then (past tense WAS) and therefore texted him a lot. And I feel really bad because I know Toushiro must have felt the same pain, even though it was just a short time later.

So I must say my most sincere apologies to him again.

I am so fucking hugely immensely shitless giganticly sorry. I'm acting like a total bitch right now and I understand why you must hate me. It's completely my fault.

On Sunday, he came by, asking what I wanted to tell him.

"_So what did you wanna tell me?"_

"…_Nothing. I don't feel like saying it now."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Then this visit was really a waste."_

"..._Can I get a last hug?"_

"_Sure."_

_We hugged and I pulled back just a little and kissed him on the cheek. And before I could even see his reaction I went back to the piano and started playing after hearing him sigh and leave with the creak of the door of the chapel._

Ridiculous, eh? I feel like an idiot now! He must think I'm psycho or something…but I am truly sorry, Toushiro.

This morning, two very short sentences.

"_What did you make on the number sense test?"_

"_355."_

"_Dammit…"_

That was it. The thing is, he must have been afraid too, when I broke up with him. He must have been afraid to feel the same pain over and over again. I am too afraid of that. But we really can't be friends can we?

Everytime I see him, the knife in my heart is left there to twist until I die. This misery is too much to bear! But I must grit my teeth and get through it.

These past few days, I've been eating a lot. A bowl of icecream after school and a Ferrero Rocher. But sadly….it isn't working. Every night, I would be reading a FanFiction and tears will overflow for no reason.

This is really bad.

And I just remembered, there is a cliff in Rochester at a park. I almost feel off it when I was little.

But I won't be able to get there. I can wish and wish as much as I want to but I won't be able to get there.

Break ups between real lovers REALLY hurt. This angst is a lot to take in.

Depression and suicidal thoughts really go together. Yesterday, I discovered a white mark on my skin stretching from my carpal tunnel all the way to my elbow. It's still there.

Maybe it's a scar.

Maybe that's what the moon tried to tell me three days ago.

Three days ago, I went to go bike outside and I was biking back home and stopped when I saw the moon. It only glows orange at certain times. And all those past times, something bad would happen the next day or the next hour or the next whenever. So I was wondering why it glowed orange.

It was probably letting me know that a scar would form on my arm. You can barely see it. But the mark is in a line and the only way to see it is the way the skin is scratched in a line, like the skin is sticking up. You can barely see it, as I said. Thank you for the warning, moon.

It takes a lot to break off the old habits of talking to Toushiro. Everybody knows who he is, he's smart, somewhat athletic, a lazy bum, but he has his nice sides.

And this wasn't mine to let go. Ayumi thinks he's a complete douche by letting me go. But I smiled and said,

"_I love him enough to let him go at any time when he wants to for any reason."_

It seems like the knife and matches are calling me. But I can't leave this world now. Not when I have so much to make up for Toushiro.

The truth is,

I really wanna get back with him. But it won't happen. Because he will never love me the same way again. He will never look at me as the girl he once loved and cared for.

Kuso, the tears are coming again.

He really is melting the ice wall I've built around me for so long, isn't he?

I love you, Toushiro.

But I have to let you go.

_

* * *

_

It's like the wind coming and hugging me, and as I'm just feeling the warmth of it, it leaves me. And my hand reaches out towards the sky, falling to my side as I crumple to the ground.

_Cold and lifeless. _

_That's all I will ever be._

_Cold and lifeless in the darkness._

_Cold and lifeless in the darkness's personal hell-hole._

_Cold and lifeless in the darkness's personal hell-hole, never able to escape._

_This is the true side of me._

_This is how I say hello to darkness._

"_Hello, Darkness. Thank you for making me your prisoner. You really let out my true side of my mind."_

_I hold out my arms._

"_I belong to you now."_

_And the unbreakable chains wrap around my wrist as the tears overflow and the Darkness laughs at my vulnerability._

"_Welcome, Kurosaki Karin. Would you like revenge on Hitsugaya Toushiro?"_

"_Never."_

_Surprised, "Why?"_

"_Because I love him. I would never hurt him even though he is the source that brought me here."_

"_Fine. Very well. You belong to me now."_

"_Of course, darkness. After all, this is truly how I am."_

Goodbye, Happiness. The chains that held me to you have been severed. I won't ever come back.

Hello, Darkness.

* * *

AN: Yes, this is how I am and feel now. I know I repeated a lot of things but this is a one shot. True life stories cannot be edited.

Don't fall into Darkness's trap. You will be there forever.

Learn well.

Knifestabkillblood102110

P.S. I might be updating again. You'll never know. Have fun guys and live your lives to the fullest. You all deserve it. =) Enjoy.


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